Birth Preferences vs. Societal Pressure: Trusting Yourself in a Noisy World - Therapy Geelong
When you're expecting a baby, one of the first things people want to talk about—besides names and nursery themes—is how you’re planning to give birth.
“Are you going natural?”
“You’re not doing a home birth, are you?”
“Just get the epidural—don’t try to be a hero.”
“Oh, you’re having a C-section? That’s not really birth.”
Sound familiar?
From the moment pregnancy begins, parents—especially birthing mothers—are often met with a flood of opinions, judgments, and unsolicited advice about the “right” way to bring a baby into the world. Amid all the noise, it’s easy to question your own instincts and feel pressure to make choices that please others, rather than reflect your values, needs, and reality.
What Are Birth Preferences?
Birth preferences (sometimes called a birth plan) are your hopes and choices for labor and delivery. These might include:
Where you want to give birth (hospital, birthing center, at home)
Who you want with you during labor
Pain relief options (epidural, gas, TENS, unmedicated, etc.)
Interventions (monitoring, induction, assisted birth)
Immediate post-birth wishes (skin-to-skin, delayed cord clamping, newborn procedures)
They’re not demands or guarantees—they’re a guide for your care team, and a tool to help you feel informed, empowered, and respected.
The Weight of Societal Expectations
Unfortunately, birth preferences can often become a battleground of external pressure and internal doubt.
Society tends to create polarized narratives:
Natural birth = brave and “real”
Medicalized birth = weak or avoidable
Home birth = irresponsible
Hospital birth = over-medicalized
C-section = failure
Unmedicated = superior
Epidural = “taking the easy way out”
None of these are helpful. And none are true.
The truth? There is no one-size-fits-all birth. Every birth is valid. Every birthing person deserves support, not scrutiny.
The Problem With Pressure
Societal pressure can lead to:
Shame over how your birth unfolded
Guilt for “not doing it right”
Fear around making choices that go against the norm
Loss of autonomy when decisions are made to avoid judgment rather than based on your own needs
In some cases, this pressure can contribute to birth trauma, especially if you felt dismissed or coerced during labor.
Reclaiming Birth on Your Terms
So how can you hold your preferences with confidence, even in a world full of strong opinions?
1. Get Informed—Your Way
Research your options from trustworthy, evidence-based sources. Speak to midwives, doulas, or birth educators who empower—not pressure—you.
2. Know That Preferences Can Change
A flexible mindset is powerful. Your birth preferences aren’t a test to pass. They’re about informed choice, not control. You can adjust without shame.
3. Choose a Supportive Birth Team
Surround yourself with people who respect your voice and values. Whether it’s a partner, midwife, doula, or friend, your team should uplift—not override—you.
4. Practice Advocacy (or Let Someone Else Advocate for You)
It’s okay to speak up, ask questions, or say no. If you’re not in a place to advocate during labor (which is common!), have someone by your side who knows your wishes and can help speak for you.
5. Tune Out the Noise
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your birth choices. Whether you’re planning a water birth or a scheduled C-section, what matters most is that you feel safe, supported, and seen.
You Deserve to Birth Without Judgment
Whether your baby arrives with candles burning in a birthing pool, via a fast and fierce labor, or through a carefully managed C-section—you are strong, capable, and enough.
Birth is not a performance. It’s not a competition. And it’s certainly not about meeting anyone else’s expectations.
It’s about you—and your baby—doing the best you can, in that moment, with the information, support, and resources you have.
Your birth. Your body. Your story. Make your choices with care, not fear. The only “right” birth is the one that respects you.